Bereavment for many of us can be one of the most painful experience that we will ever face. The grief that we feel when someone that we are close to dies can feel extremley debilitating and we can often feel that we will never be able to move forward with our own lives.

Everybody experiences grief differently and so there is not a correct or normal way to grieve. There are different feelings that one may experience upon losing a loved one whether it is a grandparent, parent, friend, pet or work colleague. Some of these feelings may include:

Shock

It may take you a period of long time to be able to comprehend what has just happened. This feeling of shock can make you feel numb which can make some people carry on as if nothing has happened at first. For others it may feel too hard to believe that someone important is not coming back. Some people can feel disorientated or lost - as if they have lost their place and purpose in life

Pain

There can be feelings of pain following on from the loss of a loved one and these painful and disstressing feelings can seem overwhelming, scary and difficult to be able to cope with.

 

Anger

Losing a loved one can sometimes leave one feeling angry. For people who do not usually feel angry this can seem out of character and confusing, however anger can be a natural emotion and typical of the grieving process. We can be angry at a number of different reasons during this difficult period, this can include being angry at death itself because it can feel unfair, one can also feel angry that they were not able to see the loved one enough or that the loved one passed away too soon. It can often be that we become angry at the person who has died as well or that we turn our anger onto ourselves, angry that we did not do or say specific things before the loved one died.
 

Guilt

Guilt can be one of the hardest emotions to deal with. It can be a common response to a bereavement and can make the pain one feels even more intense. Some people may feel they are to blame for the person's death eiether directly or indirectly. Some people may feel this reaction of guilt is rational and some may find it irrational yet cannot stop the feeling.

 

Depression

Some people suffering from a bereavement may experience feelings of extreme low mood and symptoms of depression such as taking little or no enjoyment in aspects of their life that once they did, lack of appetite, irregular sleeping patterns or not sleeping at all and prolonged crying spells. For some people they may report that their life no longer holds any purpose or meaning
 

The above feelings are not exclusive, some people may feel all or none of them whilst others may feel different feelings that are not listed. To me, it is important to remember that there is no correct way to grieve, it is personal and there is no correct time that you should grieve for.

A hard aspect of losing someone can be other people's reaction to us and the situation. Sometimes people do not know how to be with someone who has just experiencing a loss, they may be worried about upsetting us or worried that they may say the wrong thing. This can lead us to feeling that they do not care about how we feel or care about the loss leaving us feeling alone and even more upset.

Coping with any kind of loss can be difficult and counselling can make a difference. If you would like to talk to me in confidence feel free to call 01189 680 900.

Bereavement Counselling

Tel:

Fax:

Dr Christian Buckland, Wokingham Psychology, Woosehill Medical Centre, Fernlea Drive, Wokingham, Berks, RG41 3DR